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Funny Jokes in English for Whatsapp and Facebook
Always have a #BACKUP Before #BREAKUP!
If every child starts swapping their mummy papa mobile phones.
Soon we will become the country with the highest divorce rate!
Girlfriend: My birthday is tomorrow, what gift will you give me?
GF: O really…Sweetheart!
BF: I will give you a Ring but do not accept my call tomorrow,
my mobile balance is very low.
Girlfriend: Darling Give me your Diamond Ring.
Boyfriend: Why honey?
Gf: I’m going to miss you see it everyday.
Bf: You would remember me anyway.
Girlfriend: How’s that?
Bf: thinking that I had not given you that precious ring.
A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
If you pull this ring, I’ll be able to get 3 days leave.
After our Last Argument,
I Told My Girlfriend,
“I Hope Your Next Boyfriend
Appreciates The Improvements
I’ve Made In You .
Believe in love …! Love has great power !
It can ” REMOVE ” misunderstandings, Anxieties, worries Doubts, Fears, Tears, T shirts, Tops, Jeans etc etc etc..
Two friends visit a Stadium.
First: Why are all these people running?
Second: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
First: If only winner will get the cup, why are others running?
A young boy asked is father, “Dad, do lawyers ever tell the truth?”
The father thought for a moment, “Yes son, sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case!”
Science Teacher: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life. It was discovered in 1773.
Student: Thank God ! I am born after 1773 otherwise, I would have died without it.
When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.
My goal in life isn’t to become famous or powerful…it’s to make enough money to eat whatever I want.
My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.
I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card.
I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something.
Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
Awesome ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.
Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.
God is really creative, I mean…just look at me 😛
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.
Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.
There’s no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.
If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
My boyfriend asked me for anal so I colour coordinated his sock drawer. I know what men want.
Some days you can’t play the music loud enough.
My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets?
Passenger: Because if i lose one that second ticket will save me.
Conductor: what if you lose both?
Passenger: Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!
Once old man asks:
When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.
But when a fifteen year married couple smile every wonders why..!
A boy said to a girl:-“Come in my heart and stay here forever”.
Girl replied:-“Should i remove my sleepers???”
boy,”No honey, its not a temple , come without removing!
Man: How did you compromise with your wife?
Husband: She came to me on her feet.
Man: and what she said?
Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything…
Life is very short and we must find a reason to smile.
Anything which makes you smile from inner heart is really worth for you.
Some short jokes are really capable of doing the same. So never forget to live present
Postman: I have had to walk 5 miles to deliver this packet.
Anil: Why did walk so far? You could have posted it.
Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone in his Phone Book and told them:
“My mobile number has changed, earlier it was Nokia 3310, now it is 6710”
Jasbir visits an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.
Santa: I am a most proud Sardar, My son is in medical college.
Banta: Really, what is he studying?
Devindar went into The Bank of India and asked to open a current account.
The cashier was surprised when Devindar left the building saying he would return after he had been to Delhi.
When asked why he was visiting Delhi, he retorted that the application form said: ‘Got be filled in CAPITAL.’
Santa was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to put in the column “Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote : Yes, please.
At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head… Is he crying?
Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king’s skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.
Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining!
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!
Sadhu: There was nobody in the lower bunk to change it with.
Phone Call for Sehwag
Indian Team Manager: Hello
Wife: Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife.
Indian Team Manager: Sorry, he is just going to bat.
Wife: No problem, Manager, I’ll hold on.
When a Girl Accepts Your Friend Request
it means she accepted Your “Friendship” Not Your “Proposal”..
When a Girl sends you a Friend Request
it means She wants to be your Friend not Your Girlfriend.
When She Tag you
it means she wants to share her Thoughts with You
‘n not that She’s Lost in Your Thoughts..
When she comments on Your status
it means She’s just being Social ‘n not Flirting..
When She Like Your comment
it means She like Your Comment not You. !
Close Your Eyes ….,Relax Your Body….
‘n Stop Breathing As Long As You Can…
I Miss You As Much As You Missed The Air..!
Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too.. !
Love is Docomo, do the New.
Mariage is idea can change Ur life
Wife is Hutch, where ever you go she folows
Frienship is Airtel 1atut bandhan
Every Girl Wants A Guy
Who Hugs Her When They’re Watching A Scary Or Romantic Movie,
Who Gives Her His Jacket Even When He Himself Is Feeling Cold,
Who Will Always Be The One To Make Her Laugh,
Most Importantly He Will Love Her For Who She Is !
That Guy Is What Google Calls “No Result Found” ..!! 🙂
A girl never express her liking for a boy
Thinking boy should express first
A boy never express with a fear of losing her as a friend
That’s why love stories end before it starts..!
A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid and she is my kidney.
Love is Associate in Nursing illusion
Its a extremely dependency disorder of weak hearted folks
People with robust hearts believe in flirt.
Actually I have a statement to create
ever since I met u its been exhausting on behalf of me to 4get u
every night I see u in my dreams
and realize myself shouting
Santa: My partner may be a more careful driver.
Banta: however do you understand that?
Santa: She continually slows down once passing a red light!
Positive thinking poem:
Little bird within the sky
Dropping shit into your eye
U don’t worry u don’t cry,
U simply impart God that,
Cows don’t fly
Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.
His mom asked him “How do you feel?”
He replied “It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!
Once a doctor with knife in hand was running behind a patient…
People asked: what happend Doctor?
Doctor: Its 4th time he came for brain operation,
and after hair cut he ran away…
Wife: I hate that beggar.. 😡
Wife: That Rascal, yesterday I gave him food, today he gave me a book called “How to Cook”!
In a classroom Teacher asks a student to count from 0 to 10.
Student : 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Teacher : Where is 5?
Student : Yesterday I heard in the news
that 5 died in a car accident…..
Employer : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible…
‘Life is very short and we must find a reason to smile.
Anything which makes you smile from inner heart is really worth for you.
Some short jokes are really capable of doing the same.
So never forget to live present
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