Funny Jokes For Adults

Read and share best of Funny Jokes for Adults here. We have top most collection of Funny Adults Jokes in Hindi and English Language. As being adults we need more to entertain us and share some hot crispy thought with our friend to make big laugh, here we have collected the top rated adult funny jokes for you which will make dirty comedy with entertaining topics. Adults jokes are related to sexuality, gender etc, which only means to have fun by reading such dirty adults jokes that are applicable to read above age of 18 years, if you are then feel free to enjoy below really funny jokes for adults dirtily.

Funny Jokes For Adults

Laddy: ekk shampoooo please.
Shopkeepper: kyaaa dhonaaaaa hai?
Laddy: kyaaa matlabb. kyaa dhona haiiii…. baal dhoneee hai orh kya.
Shopkper: sirr ke baal dhoneee hai toh headdd and shoulderrrs. orh panty keee baaal dhoneee hai toh panteneee lelo. Lady: garnierrr deee bc.. Gaa*d kee baaaaal dhonne haii. 😛


“अगर घी सीधी उंगली से ना निकले तो…
घी को गरम कर ले।
हर बात में उंगली करना अच्छी बात नहीं…
चाणक्य का रसोइया


ठाकुर :- रामलाल ,आज मौसम कितना बढ़िया हो रखा है ना ?
रामलाल :- उफ़्फ़ लगता है आज फिर इनकी मुठ मारनी पड़ेगी ।


5 Year old son was crying. Dad came and asked.
Dad: “Why are you crying? Tell me I am your friend na”
Son: “Kuch nahi yaar. Zara sa horlicks kya nai piya, teri ITEM bhadak gayi.”


Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!


Q: Why did Roger go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!


Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta


Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match


Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless.


Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!


Q: What does a blonde say when she finds out she’s pregnant?
A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”


Marij: Dr.sahib mera khada nahi hota.
Dr.: Ru married? NO
Dr.: Do u have girlfriend? NO
Dr.: Muth marte ho? NO
To BC khada karke dolu taangega kya!


Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:
Begam Ejazat hai?
Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.
Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.
Biwi bimar ho gayi
Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,
Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:
Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?
Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena MC dega !


Judge hearing a divorce case
Judge to husband: why you want to divorce your wife?
hus: im not satisfied with her on bed
judge to wife: wat u have to say about this??
wife: whole colony is satisfied only this bastard has got problems.


Modern Man’s Thinking :-
..
..
“My Heart Will Always Belong To Just One Woman..
But, I Have My Sperm For The Rest…!!??


Ek kutti ki 5 kutte mil kar le rahe the..
Ek aurat apni beti ke sath baith kar unhe dekh rahi thi n achanak si aurat hass padhi.
Beti: kya hua mom….???
Mom: kuch nahi beti bas yu hi jawani ke din yaad aa gaye. 😀


A couple were having sex.. Suddenly, the ceiling fan starts rotating.
Husband: BC Light aa gayi, Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Leta Hun!!


Wife: Haan… Main Bhi pehle Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Leti Hun!
Yeh kaam toh baad mein bhi ho jayega.


Sham diyo se sjaye baithe hai,
khushbu saso me basaye baithe hai,
unki diwangi to dekho,
girl friend raat ko ane wali hai,
aur wo dopahar se hi condom lagaye baithe hai.


Ek Admi gusse me Biwi se bola-
Dil karta hai ki aaj tere tukde tukde kar k idhar udhar fek Du.


Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi..
Bhai ‘ch*t’ idhar fekna.
Search Terms for SMS & Shayari:


Santa ne blade se apni girlrfrd ka naam hath par likha.
5 min baad jor jor se rone laga.
Banta: kyu rote ho.?
Santa: bhench*d LADO ki jagah LODA likh liya.


Kuchh seekho Penis se:
Lady dekh kar khada hona,
Seedha rehkar kaam karna,
Kaam khatam hone pe sirr jhukakar baith jana..
Ye hote hai manners..


1 marij ankh operation ke bad fees bachane ke liye bola:
Kuch nahi dikh raha..
Dr. ne nurse ke kapde utar die
Dr.: Ab dikha?
Marij: No
Dr.: Mad*rchod fir L*nd kaise khada hua.


TATTI ke sath PAAD aa gaya,
MOOTNE ke bad JHAG aa gaya,
GF ke saath tha to uska BAAp aa gaya,
Aaj pure din ki MAA CHUD gayi aur
Upar se
BHOSDI ke tu YAAD aa gaya.


Santa ke upar adalat mein ek case chal raha tha…
Judge : tumne lady police officer ko apna hathiyar kyu pakdaya?
Santa rote huye : Judge sahab meri koyi galti nahi hai, ye mere ko boli kaam karvana hai to pehele mutthi garam karo, so maine kardi….


What do Santa’s female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the male reindeer pull his sleigh?
Oh, not much… They just head into town to blow a few bucks.


What does a cop say to a condom? “COVER ME! I’M GOING IN!”


What Is The Common Between An Army General’s Car And His Wife?
Ans: “Both Are Highly Maintained And Very Less Used.“


Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish,
and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
But teach him how to surf the ‘Net for porn, and he’ll never bother you again.


2 men went to prostitute, 1st one went inside, after he came out, he says My wife is BETTER.
2nd one went inside & after he came out he says Yes! your WIFE is BETTER.


A Boy Goes To His Mother One Day With A Puzzled Look.
Boy: “Mom, Why Is My Bigger Brother Named Thunderstorm?”
She Told Him: “Because He Was Conceived During A Mighty Storm.”
Then He Asked: “Why Is My Sister Named Cornflower?”
She Replied: “Well, Your Father And I Were In A Cornfield When We Made Her.”
Boy: “And Why Is My Other Sister Called Moonchild?”
Mom Replied: “Because We Were Watching The Moon Landing While She Was Conceived.”
Thoughtfully, Mother Paused And Asked Her Son: “But Why Are You So Curious, Broken Rubber?“


A Drunk Goes To Chemist & Shouts: “I Want Condom”
Chemist: “Sir, Please Be Decent”
Drunk Unzips, Puts Dick On Table & Says: “Do You Have Clothes For This Beauty?“


A lady goes to a Doctor & asks can u make a small hole on the
side
of my hole.?
Doctor ask Why ?
She replies Because I want to start a side business!


A man was shaving his beard,His GF was shaving down under
Man – Appraisal meeting with d boss for promotion, have to luk gud!
GF -Same here!


What do old women and dog shit have in common?The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.


What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel.


What Is The Common Between An Army General’s Car And His Wife?
Ans: “Both Are Highly Maintained And Very Less Used.“


Love Is Not Measured By Hugging, Kissing & Sex . Luv Is Respect
& Trust, Accepting A Person With Open Legs.. Closed Eyes.. Wet Lips..
Saying “Push It More”.


Wife: I Am Pregnant.
Santa: Par Main To England Me Tha.
Wife: Aapki Photo Thi Na.
Santa: Ullu Mat Bana Kamini Photo To Kamar Tak Hi Thi.


Aap Or Apke Life Partner,
Yadi Sukhi Or Swasth Rahna Chahte Ho To
Istemal Karo
“Kohinoor”
Basmati Rice.
Achha Khaoge Tabi
Achha Soch Paoge.


People often ask me what I like to do on my time off. What I really enjoy doing in my spare time is hanging out at the Playboy Mansion, and , you know, playing around with the Playmates, if you know what I mean?


…Well, it’s actually just a Barbie Dream House that I’ve modified.


Has anyone here ever used a hulahoop as a sexual aid?
Let me explain…
You see, I use it as a cock ring.


I went for a prostate exam yesterday…
…It made me nervous that it was done through a glory hole.


Why did they arrest the guitar teacher?
He was caught fingering a minor.


Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a year!


Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.


Ek Bauna Suhagraat Ko Kamre Me Jate Hi Biwi Se Bola:”Chal Ghodi Ban Jaa”
Biwi:Ye Kaunsa Tarika Hai?
Bauna: “Tarika Nahi He Pagli, Darwaje Ki Kundi Lagani Hai”


What’s long and full of semen?
A submarine.


11 Girls Ask The Fruit Seller To Give 11 Banana.
Fruit Seller I Am Not Selling Less Than 12 Bananas.
1 Girl Said Le Le Yaar, 1 Kha Lenge.


Girl: Jaanu Mere Munh Me Daalo, Main Chusungi
Boy: Nahi Nahi Tum Kha Gai Toh Main Kya Karunga?
Girl: Tum Tum …
.
.
Doosri Icecream Le Lena!


Boyfriend On Bike: Can I Kiss You.?
Girlfriend: Where.. Vertical Or Horizontal
Lips.?
Boyfriend: What…??
Girlfriend: Upper Or Lower Lips.?
Boyfriend: I Did’Nt Get You.!
Girlfriend: Chutiye.. Helmet Utarun Yaa P@Nty.


Man Tells Wife – I Am Going To Buy Vi@Gra.
Wife – Mein Bhi Tetanus Ka Injection Lagwa Leti Hoo.
Suna Hai Jung Lagi Cheez Se Khatra Rehta Hai… Xp


What Do Bungee Jumping & Prostitutes Have In Common?
With Both Pleasure Lasts For 35 Seconds And If The Rubber Breaks, You Are Fucked.


Madam: Sabse Zayada Izzat Kiske Paas Hai.?
Boys: Shakti Kapoor,Prem Chopra, Gulshan Grover.
Madam : Wo Kaise,
Boys : Madam Kyuki Inhone Ne Hi Sabse Zayada Izzat Luti Hai.


Pinto Ko Peshab Karte Dekhkar Ladki Doosre Raste Se Jane Lagi,
Pinto Bola: Dar Mat Re Pagli, Jisase Tu Dar Rahi Ho Usko Maine Apne
Hath Se Pakad Rakha Hai.


Lady Tcher: Bachho,Batao Samosa Aur Kachori, Me Kya Fark Hai ?
Ek Saitan Baccha Bola: Madam, Bra Pehenogi To Samosa Dikhega,
Nahi Pehenogi To Kachori.

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