Funny Jokes in English

Hello, Are you looking for Funny Jokes in English, Then here is collection of best English Funny Jokes, funny joke in English language, funny laughing jokes, short English joke and many more below. Jokes are the way to make other laugh, thus share these jokes in English with your love, friends and family to make them laugh.

Funny Jokes in English

Funny Jokes in English

Funny Jokes in English for Whatsapp and Facebook

Always have a #BACKUP Before #BREAKUP!

If every child starts swapping their mummy papa mobile phones.
Soon we will become the country with the highest divorce rate!

Girlfriend: My birthday is tomorrow, what gift will you give me?
Boyfriend: Ring
GF: O really…Sweetheart!
BF: I will give you a Ring but do not accept my call tomorrow,
my mobile balance is very low.

Girlfriend: Darling Give me your Diamond Ring.
Boyfriend: Why honey?
Gf: I’m going to miss you see it everyday.
Bf: You would remember me anyway.
Girlfriend: How’s that?
Bf: thinking that I had not given you that precious ring.

A newly wedded desperate soldier sends a hand-grenade to his mother-in-law, with a note:
Dearest Mom,
If you pull this ring, I’ll be able to get 3 days leave.
After our Last Argument,
I Told My Girlfriend,
“I Hope Your Next Boyfriend
Appreciates The Improvements
I’ve Made In You .

Believe in love …! Love has great power !
It can ” REMOVE ” misunderstandings, Anxieties, worries Doubts, Fears, Tears, T shirts, Tops, Jeans etc etc etc..

Two friends visit a Stadium.
First: Why are all these people running?
Second: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
First: If only winner will get the cup, why are others running?

A young boy asked is father, “Dad, do lawyers ever tell the truth?”
The father thought for a moment, “Yes son, sometimes a lawyer will do anything to win a case!”

Science Teacher: Oxygen is a must for breathing & for life. It was discovered in 1773.
Student: Thank God ! I am born after 1773 otherwise, I would have died without it.

When I die, I want my grave to offer free Wifi so that people visit more often.

My goal in life isn’t to become famous or powerful…it’s to make enough money to eat whatever I want.

My life is a constant cycle of waiting for the weekend.

I will marry the girl, who look pretty in her Adhaar card.

I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something.

Doing nothing is very hard thing to do…you never know when to finish.

I love my job only when I’m on vacation.

Awesome ends with ME and Ugly starts with U.

Just saw the most smartest person when I was in front of the mirror.

God is really creative, I mean…just look at me 😛

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.

Everyone has an annoying friend. If you don’t have one, it’s probably you.

There’s no more dangerous entity on earth than a woman with a lot on her mind and nothing to do but think.

If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.

My boyfriend asked me for anal so I colour coordinated his sock drawer. I know what men want.

Some days you can’t play the music loud enough.

My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets?
Passenger: Because if i lose one that second ticket will save me.
Conductor: what if you lose both?
Passenger: Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!

Once old man asks:
When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.
But when a fifteen year married couple smile every wonders why..!

A boy said to a girl:-“Come in my heart and stay here forever”.
Girl replied:-“Should i remove my sleepers???”
boy,”No honey, its not a temple , come without removing!

Man: How did you compromise with your wife?
Husband: She came to me on her feet.
Man: and what she said?
Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything…

Life is very short and we must find a reason to smile.
Anything which makes you smile from inner heart is really worth for you.
Some short jokes are really capable of doing the same. So never forget to live present

Postman: I have had to walk 5 miles to deliver this packet.
Anil: Why did walk so far? You could have posted it.

Sardar bought a new mobile. He called everyone in his Phone Book and told them:
“My mobile number has changed, earlier it was Nokia 3310, now it is 6710”

Jasbir visits an art gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?
Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, that is a mirror.

Santa: I am a most proud Sardar, My son is in medical college.
Banta: Really, what is he studying?

Devindar went into The Bank of India and asked to open a current account.
The cashier was surprised when Devindar left the building saying he would return after he had been to Delhi.
When asked why he was visiting Delhi, he retorted that the application form said: ‘Got be filled in CAPITAL.’

Santa was filling up application form for a job.
He was not sure as to what to put in the column “Salary Expected”.
After much thought he wrote : Yes, please.

At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head… Is he crying?

Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king’s skeleton.
Tourist: And the smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.

Sardar to his servant: Go and water the plants.
Servant: It’s already raining!
Sardar: So what? Take an umbrella and go!
Sadhu: There was nobody in the lower bunk to change it with.

Phone Call for Sehwag
Indian Team Manager: Hello
Wife: Can I talk to Sehwag, this is his wife.
Indian Team Manager: Sorry, he is just going to bat.
Wife: No problem, Manager, I’ll hold on.

When a Girl Accepts Your Friend Request
it means she accepted Your “Friendship” Not Your “Proposal”..
When a Girl sends you a Friend Request
it means She wants to be your Friend not Your Girlfriend.
When She Tag you
it means she wants to share her Thoughts with You
‘n not that She’s Lost in Your Thoughts..
When she comments on Your status
it means She’s just being Social ‘n not Flirting..
When She Like Your comment
it means She like Your Comment not You. !

Close Your Eyes ….,Relax Your Body….
‘n Stop Breathing As Long As You Can…
Now Breath…
I Miss You As Much As You Missed The Air..!

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too.. !

Love is Docomo, do the New.
Mariage is idea can change Ur life
Wife is Hutch, where ever you go she folows
Frienship is Airtel 1atut bandhan

Every Girl Wants A Guy
Who Hugs Her When They’re Watching A Scary Or Romantic Movie,
Who Gives Her His Jacket Even When He Himself Is Feeling Cold,
Who Will Always Be The One To Make Her Laugh,
Most Importantly He Will Love Her For Who She Is !
That Guy Is What Google Calls “No Result Found” ..!! 🙂

A girl never express her liking for a boy
Thinking boy should express first
A boy never express with a fear of losing her as a friend
That’s why love stories end before it starts..!

A sardar learning English introduces his family in the party:
Hi! I am sardar,
This is my sardarni,
He is my kid and she is my kidney.

Love is Associate in Nursing illusion
Its a extremely dependency disorder of weak hearted folks
People with robust hearts believe in flirt.

Actually I have a statement to create
ever since I met u its been exhausting on behalf of me to 4get u
every night I see u in my dreams
and realize myself shouting

Santa: My partner may be a more careful driver.
Banta: however do you understand that?
Santa: She continually slows down once passing a red light!

Positive thinking poem:
Little bird within the sky
Dropping shit into your eye
U don’t worry u don’t cry,
U simply impart God that,
Cows don’t fly

Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying.
His mom asked him “How do you feel?”

He replied “It was wonderful, Everyone was clapping for me!

Once a doctor with knife in hand was running behind a patient…
People asked: what happend Doctor?
Doctor: Its 4th time he came for brain operation,
and after hair cut he ran away…

Wife: I hate that beggar.. 😡
Husband: Why?
Wife: That Rascal, yesterday I gave him food, today he gave me a book called “How to Cook”!

In a classroom Teacher asks a student to count from 0 to 10.
Student : 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10
Teacher : Where is 5?
Student : Yesterday I heard in the news
that 5 died in a car accident…..

Employer : We need someone for this Job, who is Responsible.
Applicant : Sir, your search ends here, in my previous job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I am Responsible…

‘Life is very short and we must find a reason to smile.
Anything which makes you smile from inner heart is really worth for you.
Some short jokes are really capable of doing the same.
So never forget to live present

Hope you enjoyed these Funny Jokes collection, Get latest updates of Jokes.

Funny Knock Knock Jokes

Hello Buddies, Are you looking for Funny Knock Knock Jokes? then below are some of the best Knock-Knock Jokes that are really funny, Share these jokes with friends, family and relatives to bring huge smile or LoL on there faces. We have compiled the best Knock Knock Whos there Jokes, knock knock humor, knock knock pick up lines and many more.

Best ever Funny Knock Knock Jokes:

Knock Knock Jokes

Knock, knock… Who’s there?
That is impossible. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking twice!

Knock knock…. Who’s there?
The interrupting cow.
Interrupting cow wh-Moooooo!

Knock knock…
Who’s there?
The door.

Knock, knock. Who’s there?
No-one who?
(Remain silent)

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Impatient cow.
Impatient co…

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Wanda who?
Wanda hang out with me right now?

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Ho-ho who?
You know, your Santa impression could use a little work.

You: I know the best knock knock joke ever but you have to start.
Friend: Ok – knock knock!
You: Who’s there?
Friend: Errmm….

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Claire who?
Claire the way; I’m coming in!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Radio who?
Radio not, here I come!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Howard who?
Howard I know?

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Doris who?
Doris locked. Open up!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Alpaca who?
Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe.
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Hanna who?
Hanna partridge in a pear tree!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Iva who?
I’ve a sore hand from knocking!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cash who?
No thanks, I’ll have some peanuts.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Tank who?
You’re welcome.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?

Ya who?
Knock knock
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?
Yahoo! I’m just as psyched to see you!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are, asking me so many questions?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To who?
It’s to whom.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Mikey who?

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Razor who?
Razor hands, this is a stick up!

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Says who?
Says me, that’s who.

Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Some who?
Some day you’ll recognize me, hopefully.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Etch who?
Bless you!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Roach who?
Roach you a letter, did
you get it?
Mikey doesn’t work so help me out, would you?

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto who?
Otto know. I’ve got amnesia.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Otto who?
Otto know. I’ve got amnesia.

Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
King Tut.
King Tut who?
King Tut-key fried chicken!

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady
Little old lad who?
WOW! I didn’t know you can yodel!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Ice cream!
Ice cream who?
Ice cream if you don’t let me in!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Cows who?
Cows go ‘moo’ not who!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
A titch!
A titch who?
Bless you!

Knock knock
Who’s there?
Wooden shoe!
Wooden shoe who?
Wooden shoe like to hear another joke?

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Madame who?
Madame foot’s caught in the door!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Dwayne who?
Dwayne the bathtub, I’m drowning.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Boo who?
Don’t cry; it’s only a knock-knock joke.

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Me who?
That’s right!
What’s right?
That’s what I want to know!
What’s what you want to know?
Me who?
Yes, exactly!

Exactly what?
Yes, I have an Exactlywatt on a chain!
Exactly what on a chain?
Yes what?
No, Exactlywatt!
That’s what I want to know!
I told you – Exactlywatt!
Exactly what?
Yes what?
Yes, it’s with me!
What’s with you?
Exactlywatt – that’s what’s with me.
Me who?
Go away!
Knock, knock…

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Dishes who?
Dishes the FBI. Open Up!!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Olive who?
Olive you!
(I love you!)

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Ammonia who?
Ammonia little kid!

Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Tilly who?
Tilly leans to be polite he can wait outside!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Mary and Abbey.
Mary and Abbey who?
Mary Christmas and Abbey New Year!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Santa who?
Santa email reminding you I’d be here, and you STILL make me wait in the cold!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Yule log.
Yule log who?
Yule log the door after you let me in, won’t you?

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Convex who?
Convex go to prison!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Sherlock who?
Sherlock your door shut tight.

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Robin who?
Robin you! Hand over your cash!

Knock! Knock!
Who’s there?
Otto who?
Otto know what’s taking you so long!

Hope you like our collections of latest Knock Knock Jokes for kids and friends. Get in touch to get more awesome jokes, you may also read Funny Jokes for Kids.

Funny Clean Kid Jokes

Hello, are these kids is looking for Funny Jokes, then here we have provided best funny jokes for kids, kids joke of the day and funny jokes for kids to tell at school or party. We have collected the latest and clean collection of funny kid jokes that are suitable for all children’s. You can easily share these to any kids you want to make then happy or laugh.

In today busy life parents are far away from there kids, as they can send these really funny jokes for kids to bring smile on there faces and make your indirect presence with them. These works as kid riddles or brain teasers for kids, shorty they are very entertaining and learn-able also. Get ready for big laugh.

Funny Jokes for Kids

Funny Jokes for Kids

Short Funny Jokes for Kids/Child

Mother to Johnny: “how was your exam, is all questions difficult?”
Johnny: “No mom, all the questions were simple, It was the answers which gave me all the trouble”!

During a cold winter day a wife messaged to her husband that “the Windows frozen”.
Husband replied to pour some warm water on them.
After a while husband received a message again “No way, the computer is completely spoilt now”!

One day a software engineer drowned at the sea.
There are many people on the beach and they heard him crying out.
But no one understood what he was trying to say.
Can you guess what he was trying to say? “F1, F1”!

Customer called to Tech support: “my computer is not connecting to Internet”
Tech support: “Ok, which operating system are you using?”
Customer: “Internet explorer”!
Tech support: “No, you just right click on “my computer” and click on the properties menu”
Customer: “what are you saying, this is not your computer, it is my computer”!

Which is the place pencils like to go for a vacation?
Pencil – vania!

Why did the computer consult with the doctor?
Because it was suffering from a virus!

What is owned by you but mostly used by others?
Your name!

When do you go at red and stop at green? – When you’re eating a watermelon.

Why did the man love his barbecue? – Because it was the grill of his dreams.

What is the best day to go to the beach? – SUNday.

What does the sun drink out of? – Sunglasses.

What did the ocean say to the sailboat? – Nothing it just waved.

What is a pirate’s favourite letter?

Why are leopards so bad at playing hide and seek?
Because they’re always spotted!

Why did the boy take a ladder to school?
Because he though it was a HIGH school!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cow-go who?
No, Cow go MOO!

Son: Dad I got punished in school today.
Dad: Why?
Son: My teacher pointed the scale towards me.
Saying.. At the end of scale there is an Idiot”
I Just asked “which end”…?

How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie into it.

What do elves learn at school?
The elf-abet.

Why did the class clown take a computer to her teacher?
Her mom told her to bring an apple for her teacher.

Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.

What did Delaware?
A New Jersey.

What did the calculator say to the math student?
You can count on me.

How do you know when the moon has had enough to eat?
When it’s full.

Murad ek larki ko dekh ke bola: Lafz tere geet mere! Gazal koi suna du kya?
Murad se Larki: Haath mere gaal tere! Kaan ke neeche bajaun kya?

Habildar: Tumhe kal subah 6 baje pe phansi di jayegi.
Liton: Ha ha ha!
Habildar: Kyu hass rahe ho?
Liton: Main toh subha 9 baje tak sota hoon!

Pappu: yar mere pas paise nhi hy mujhe kapre lena hen kya karun?
Dost: To bank se loan le lo
Pappu: Loan to le lun magar hmko sirf cotton pehanne ki adat hai

Sabu ek party mein gaya aur waha usne 10 butter naan kha liye.
Kuch der bad toilet mein pet pakar ke ro raha tha or bhagwan se request kar raha ki,
He Bhagwan ya toh jaan nikal de ya naan nikal de!

Pappu 2 Dokandar: Is mirror ki kya guarantee hai?
Dokandar: Aap iss ko 100 floor se nechay girao,
mirror 99 floor tak nahi toote ga.
Pappu: Wah bahut badhiya, pack kar do!

Meri Kam Ke Bahadur Jwano Utho,Kab Tak Tumlok bethe Raho Ho?
Kam Par Ye Wakt bahot bhari Hai,Utho Jaldi Karo,
Jootey Chapal Sab Chorr Do

Jibon bohut kuch sikhati hai,
Kabhi hashati hay kabhi rulaty hay
Khud se vijyada kisi par bshwash mat karna,
Kyuki andhere mein toh parchai bhi saath chor jati hai.


u ek baar bataya tha mujh ko,
Barasti barish se ishq hai usko,Aur uska ishq pane ke liye,
Yeh aankhe har din barasti hai.

Biwi vo hoti hai jo shaadi ke baad apne pati ki sari aadto ko badal deti hai aur fir kehti hai..
“aap pehle jaise nahi rahe”.

Yeh desi biwia apne pati ko A.G kyon bolti hai?
Biwia sabhya hoti hai, bhare bazar mein Abe Gadhe (A.G) kehna dirty lagta na,
iss liye A.G bol ke kaam chala leti hain.

Bachha: Papa ek glass pani dena
Dad: Apne aap le lo
Kid: Nahi aap de do pleez.
Dad: Agar dubara mere se pani manga to 2 thapad marunga.
Kid: Papa, jab thapad marne aaoge to pani lete aana..Papa paani dena.

Ek chor amir lok ke ghar mein chori karne gaya.
Trunk pe likha tha “Trunk ko todne ki jaroorat nahi hai,
156 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, trunk khul jayegi.
Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.”
Jate jate chor us lok se bola: Aaj mera insaaniyat se vishwas uth gaya hai!

BANTA Ne HAJAMAT Ki Dukan Kholi..
Santa SHAVE Karane Aya.
Banta:- Muchh Rakhni Hai
Banta(Mucch Kaat Ke)-Le Rakh Le, Jahan Rakhni Hai.

Principal: If any boy is found in or around girl’s hostel, he will be fined Rs 300 for first time, Rs 500 for second time & Rs 800 for third time.
Student: How much will you charge for monthly pass, sir ?

1Baccha Paida Hote Hi Nurse s Bola-MOBILE h Kya?
Nurse:-Hai Par Tu Kya Karega
Baccha: Bas GOD Ko Ek CALL Karni H Ki Mai Pahuch Gaya hu. Meri Wali ko Bhej Do

Ek 10 saal ka bachha dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekh raha tha ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

boss:pichle 6 mahino mein tumne kitni chhutiya li hai.
kabhi bimari,to kabhi honeymoon,
bacheki bimari.ab kya hai?
karamchari:kal meri shaadi hai.

Teacher : usne khudkhushi kar li,
use khudkhushi karni padi,
farak batao ?
Student : pehla padha likha berojgar tha,
dusra shadi-suda tha.. !

Anath Ashram worker kanjoos se:
Sethji, aap hamare anath ashram ke liye kya kar sakte hain?
Kanjoos: Mein anath ashram mein apne 4 bachhe bhej sakta hu.

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother
Santa: Very long!

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA” shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next…
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Que – In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?.
Ans – In his Last Battle.

Que – Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
Ans – At the Bottom of the Page.

Que – Ganga Flows in which State ?
Ans – Liquid State..

Que . How do you make a strawberry shake?
Ans. Put it in the freezer.

Que . What is a vampire’s favourite fruit?
Ans. A neck-tarine!

Que . How do you fix a broken tomato?
Ans. Tomato paste!

We hope that funniest clean jokes for kids, we regularly update our jokes, get more on next turn. till then have happy day.

Looking for funny jokes in hindi,hindi jokes to laugh and keep stress away make your life full of happiness.You can easily send these as SMS or message to your friends.We provide regular fresh jokes everyday,This is the best hindi jokes collection forever, See and laugh with the most updated funny jokes in hindi.

Funny Jokes in Hindi

Funny Jokes in Hindi

Funny Jokes in Hindi

Ladki rotte hui boli: abhi to mene kuchhh dekha bi nahi tha. santa ne bola (hosssla dete huee): abhi thodi derrr me body ko nehlayenge tab dekh lenaaa. 🙂

Jisss dinn ussse dil laaaga beethe. Tanhaaai meee sukkkkun kiii maa chu*dwwa bethhhe. Wo tohh so gaayi bc kisssi orh kee bistarpee. Orh ham apnnnni hi jhattto meee aaggg laaaga beeethe. 🙂

MAA-Beta Apple Khaoge,
MAA-Beta Mengo Khaoge,
MAA-Beta Orange Khaoge,
MAA-Bilkul Baap Par Gaya Hai,
Chappal Hi Khayega.

Baith kar apni mehbuba ki zulfo k saye me aisa josh aaya,
wah wah!
Usk Papa ne dekh liya aur I.C.U. me hosh aaya.

Ek aadmi bhagwaan se bola, “india se usa tak pakki sadak banwa dijiye.”
Bhagwan bole, “mushkil hai kuch aur maang lo.” Aadmi bola,
“To phir aap meri biwi ko samajhdaar aur aagyakari bana dijiye.”
Bhagwan bole, “sadak single banana hai ya double.”

Ek naye teacher ne ek bachche se poocha, “is pakshi ke pair dekho aur iska naam batao.
”Bachche ne kaha, “ pata nahin.” Teacher ne kaha, “ Tum fail ho gaye, batao tumhara naam batao.
”Bachche ne kaha “Mere pair dekho aur naam batao”.

Chota baby- mummy raat ko jab me susu karne gaya to bathroom
Ki light jal gayi,
Mummy- haramjade tu aaj fir freeze me susu kar aaya…!!

Teacher:-MotorCycle k Kitne Tyers Hote hai?
Smart Santa:- 6 Tyre
Teacher(Gusse se): How?
Santa:- 4 Motor k 2 Cycle k!G.M.

Maalik:-are raamu aaj tumne roti main kitna saare ghee laga diya..
Naukar:-are saahab maaf karna shayad galti se maine apni roti aapko de di hai,

Saahukaar:-tumne apne udhaar ke paise abhi tak nahin wapas kiye…
chalo mamla beech main suljha lete hai…
tumhare udhaar ka aadha paisa main bhoolne ke liye taiyaar hu,
Karzdaar:-manzoor:-baaki aadha main bhoolne ko taiyaar hoon.

Ek aadmi librarian se:-mujhe aatmhatya karni hai.kya aap mujhe aatmhatya per koi achchi book de sakte hain.
Librarian:-nahin bilkul nahin,mujhe pata hai aap mujhe wo wapas nahin denge.

Teacher:-bachcho kabhi sharab mat peena,
jhooth mat bolna, kabhi nonveg mat khana,
kabhi ladki ko mat chhedna.aur apne desh ke liye jaan de dena.
Ek bachcha:-de denge sir,
sala aisi zindagi se to marna achcha hai.

Ek aalsi se uske dost ne kaha:-suna hai tum faoj main bharti hone ja rahe ho.
Aalsi Dost:-are nahin
mujhe to ye bhi nahin pata ki badook ka muh kidhar karna hai?
Pehla dost:-koi baat nahin, kahin bhi rakhoge,
desh ka bhala hi hoga.

Do abhinetao ke bachche aapas main baat kar rahe the.
Pahle bachcha:-pata hai,mere papa kal nai mummy laye hain,
wo bahot achchi hai.
Doosra bachcha:- pata hai pata hai,
pichle saal who meri mummy reh chuki hain.

Santa class me haans raha tha,
Ek ladka bola : Stand UP, kaun ho tum?
Santa : Tum kaun ho?
Ladka : Mein monitor hu
Santa : Te phir mein CPU hu!!!

Santa (Ladki ko chedte hue): Hor soniya ki haal he??
Ladki (gusse me) boli: Jo teri behn ka hai.
Santa (hans kar): Woh to pregnant hai!!!

Santa:- Abe Banta tu yaha baitha hai…
Tere dost ki death ho gai hai… Tu gaya Kyu Nahi?
Banta:- Uss saale ne mujhe bulaya hi nahi

A policeman to his son : Tumhara result aacha nahi aaya.
Aaj se tumhara khelna aur TV dekhna band.
Beta : Ye 50 rupay pakdo aur ess baat ko yaheen dabado

Santa – Yaar Banta tune poore toilet me potty kyu kar di?
Banta – Yaar ye mobile bhi na!
Santa – Kya hua?
Banta – Tune “IDEA” ka ad nahi dekha
“WALK when u TALK”

Santa : Mom kya aapne mujhe paida hone se pehle dekha tha?
Mom : Nahi to beta!
Santa : To phir paida hone ke baad aapne mujhe pehchana kaise??

Santa ko rota dekhkar Banta ne pucha kya hua?
Santa : Meine 2 ton ka AC kharida,
ghar aakar tola to sir 35 kilo ka nikla!

What is ABCDEFG?
A Boy Can Do Everything For a Girl!
But what is GFEDCBA? (The Opposite)
Girl Forgets Everything Done and Catches new Boy Again!

टीचर : 1869 में क्या हुआ ?
सुरेश :- गांधीजी का जन्म!
टीचर :- बिलकुल सही. बैठो निचे ..
टीचर :- पप्पू तु बोल.. 1872 में क्या हुआ…?
पप्पू :- गांधीजी ३ साल के हो गए… मैं भी बैठू क्या?

Wife : Phone pe itni dheemi awaaz mein kis se baat kar rahe ho?
Husband : Behan se.
Wife : To phir itni dhimi awaaz me kis liye?
Husband : Teri hai, Is liye…

Uncle: What do you do son…?
Boy: Naari samman sewa ke liye kaam karta hoon
Uncle: Achcha to social worker ho
Son: No uncle, Facebook par ladkiyon ki photo like karta hoon.

अगर मेडिकल स्टोर पर कोई ग्राहक डरा हुआ है और बाद में आये कस्टमर को समान लेने दे रहा है तो समझ ले‍ना कि वो कंडोम खरीदने आया है।

संता की पत्नी- आज जब मैं अंडर-गार्मेंट्स उतार रही थी तो सामने वाला लड़का देख रहा था। संता- फिर तुमने क्या कियासंता की पत्नी- मैंने उन कपड़ों से अपना मुंह छिपा लिया।

Pappu, while filling up a form: Dad, what should I write against mother
Santa: Very long!

Teacher: Pappu, TAMSO MA JYOTIR GAMYA” shloka ka kya arth hai?
Pappu: Tum so jayo maa, mein Jyoti ke pass ja raha hoon.

Santa went out to buy an Indian flag. The shop owner gave him the flag.
Guess what did he ask next…
Ismein aur colour dikhayiye.

Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Santa: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai & jumps into the well.
Santa: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi.?

Santa was caught for speeding and went before the judge.
The judge: What’ll you take 30 days or Rs 3000.
Santa: I think I’ll take the money.

Santa: I kiss my wife everyday before leaving for office, what about u?
Banta: Me too, after u leave.

A lady asked Santa: LIPTON di chah hai?
Santa replied: Mainu ta nahi hai ji, tainu hai ta lipat ja…

Banta: Name the 3 fastest means of communication.
Santa: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman

Santa: I’m a proud father. My son is in m! edical college.
Banta: What’s he studying?”
Santa: He’s not studying, they are studying him!

Q: A Man asked Santa, “Akal badhi ya bhains? ”
A: Santa bola, “Pehle date of birth to batao.”

Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.

Santa found answer to the most difficult question ever- What comes first –
the chicken or the egg?
O yaar, jiska order pehle doge, vo ayega!

Santa (reading from book of facts): “Do you know that every time I breathe
a man dies?”
Banta: “Why don’t you use a mouth wash ?”

एक और जिन्दगी मांग लो खुदा से,
ये वाली तो office में ही कट जानी है
ना ख़ुशी ख़रीद पाता हूँ ना ही ग़म बेच पाता हूँ,
फिर भी ना जाने क्यों मैं हर रोज़ कमाने जाता हूँ

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

Santa : Tumhari biwi ka kya naam hai?
Banta : Google Kaur.
Santa : Ye kaisa naam hai?
Banta : Yaar mein jaha bhi hota hoon, wo mujhe dhoondh hi leti hai!

Ek student ko teacher ke ek swal puchne pe thappar mara…
Teacher: student ke fail hone ki sbse badi wjah kya hoti hai…
Student: Har Fail Hone Waale Student Ke Peeche,
Ek Teacher Hota Hai..!!
Jo SAALA Cheating Nahi
Karne Deta.

Funny Jokes in Hindi

Funny Jokes in Hindi

Everyone’s life smile is very important thing without smile life is not intresting. So be happy and smile every day. We should take every thing on positive side.Some people make their own jokes to make other laugh. Such people are really great. If you too want to crack some jokes, then here we  listed top funny jokes in hindi.You can share these jokes to your friends.

Read and share best of Funny Jokes for Adults here. We have top most collection of Funny Adults Jokes in Hindi and English Language. As being adults we need more to entertain us and share some hot crispy thought with our friend to make big laugh, here we have collected the top rated adult funny jokes for you which will make dirty comedy with entertaining topics. Adults jokes are related to sexuality, gender etc, which only means to have fun by reading such dirty adults jokes that are applicable to read above age of 18 years, if you are then feel free to enjoy below really funny jokes for adults dirtily.

Funny Jokes For Adults

Laddy: ekk shampoooo please.
Shopkeepper: kyaaa dhonaaaaa hai?
Laddy: kyaaa matlabb. kyaa dhona haiiii…. baal dhoneee hai orh kya.
Shopkper: sirr ke baal dhoneee hai toh headdd and shoulderrrs. orh panty keee baaal dhoneee hai toh panteneee lelo. Lady: garnierrr deee bc.. Gaa*d kee baaaaal dhonne haii. 😛

“अगर घी सीधी उंगली से ना निकले तो…
घी को गरम कर ले।
हर बात में उंगली करना अच्छी बात नहीं…
चाणक्य का रसोइया

ठाकुर :- रामलाल ,आज मौसम कितना बढ़िया हो रखा है ना ?
रामलाल :- उफ़्फ़ लगता है आज फिर इनकी मुठ मारनी पड़ेगी ।

5 Year old son was crying. Dad came and asked.
Dad: “Why are you crying? Tell me I am your friend na”
Son: “Kuch nahi yaar. Zara sa horlicks kya nai piya, teri ITEM bhadak gayi.”

Q: Why did the computer go to the doctor?
A: Because it had a virus!

Q: Why did Roger go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date!

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta

Q: What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless.

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What does a blonde say when she finds out she’s pregnant?
A: “Are you sure it’s mine?”

Marij: Dr.sahib mera khada nahi hota.
Dr.: Ru married? NO
Dr.: Do u have girlfriend? NO
Dr.: Muth marte ho? NO
To BC khada karke dolu taangega kya!

Shadi ki pehli raat shohar apni biwi se:
Begam Ejazat hai?
Biwi: Ji Ejazat hai.
Shohar ne subah tak kar kar bura haal kar diya.
Biwi bimar ho gayi
Shohar usko sasural chodhne gaya,
Wapis aane laga toh apne saas & sasur se bola:
Achha Ji, Ejazat hai?
Bv chillaai: Papa Ejazat mat dena MC dega !

Judge hearing a divorce case
Judge to husband: why you want to divorce your wife?
hus: im not satisfied with her on bed
judge to wife: wat u have to say about this??
wife: whole colony is satisfied only this bastard has got problems.

Modern Man’s Thinking :-
“My Heart Will Always Belong To Just One Woman..
But, I Have My Sperm For The Rest…!!??

Ek kutti ki 5 kutte mil kar le rahe the..
Ek aurat apni beti ke sath baith kar unhe dekh rahi thi n achanak si aurat hass padhi.
Beti: kya hua mom….???
Mom: kuch nahi beti bas yu hi jawani ke din yaad aa gaye. 😀

A couple were having sex.. Suddenly, the ceiling fan starts rotating.
Husband: BC Light aa gayi, Pehle Main Apna Phone Charge Kar Leta Hun!!

Wife: Haan… Main Bhi pehle Motor Chala Ke Paani Bhar Leti Hun!
Yeh kaam toh baad mein bhi ho jayega.

Sham diyo se sjaye baithe hai,
khushbu saso me basaye baithe hai,
unki diwangi to dekho,
girl friend raat ko ane wali hai,
aur wo dopahar se hi condom lagaye baithe hai.

Ek Admi gusse me Biwi se bola-
Dil karta hai ki aaj tere tukde tukde kar k idhar udhar fek Du.

Achanak pados me se awaaz aayi..
Bhai ‘ch*t’ idhar fekna.
Search Terms for SMS & Shayari:

Santa ne blade se apni girlrfrd ka naam hath par likha.
5 min baad jor jor se rone laga.
Banta: kyu rote ho.?
Santa: bhench*d LADO ki jagah LODA likh liya.

Kuchh seekho Penis se:
Lady dekh kar khada hona,
Seedha rehkar kaam karna,
Kaam khatam hone pe sirr jhukakar baith jana..
Ye hote hai manners..

1 marij ankh operation ke bad fees bachane ke liye bola:
Kuch nahi dikh raha..
Dr. ne nurse ke kapde utar die
Dr.: Ab dikha?
Marij: No
Dr.: Mad*rchod fir L*nd kaise khada hua.

TATTI ke sath PAAD aa gaya,
MOOTNE ke bad JHAG aa gaya,
GF ke saath tha to uska BAAp aa gaya,
Aaj pure din ki MAA CHUD gayi aur
Upar se
BHOSDI ke tu YAAD aa gaya.

Santa ke upar adalat mein ek case chal raha tha…
Judge : tumne lady police officer ko apna hathiyar kyu pakdaya?
Santa rote huye : Judge sahab meri koyi galti nahi hai, ye mere ko boli kaam karvana hai to pehele mutthi garam karo, so maine kardi….

What do Santa’s female reindeer do on Christmas Eve while the male reindeer pull his sleigh?
Oh, not much… They just head into town to blow a few bucks.

What does a cop say to a condom? “COVER ME! I’M GOING IN!”

What Is The Common Between An Army General’s Car And His Wife?
Ans: “Both Are Highly Maintained And Very Less Used.“

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish,
and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
But teach him how to surf the ‘Net for porn, and he’ll never bother you again.

2 men went to prostitute, 1st one went inside, after he came out, he says My wife is BETTER.
2nd one went inside & after he came out he says Yes! your WIFE is BETTER.

A Boy Goes To His Mother One Day With A Puzzled Look.
Boy: “Mom, Why Is My Bigger Brother Named Thunderstorm?”
She Told Him: “Because He Was Conceived During A Mighty Storm.”
Then He Asked: “Why Is My Sister Named Cornflower?”
She Replied: “Well, Your Father And I Were In A Cornfield When We Made Her.”
Boy: “And Why Is My Other Sister Called Moonchild?”
Mom Replied: “Because We Were Watching The Moon Landing While She Was Conceived.”
Thoughtfully, Mother Paused And Asked Her Son: “But Why Are You So Curious, Broken Rubber?“

A Drunk Goes To Chemist & Shouts: “I Want Condom”
Chemist: “Sir, Please Be Decent”
Drunk Unzips, Puts Dick On Table & Says: “Do You Have Clothes For This Beauty?“

A lady goes to a Doctor & asks can u make a small hole on the
of my hole.?
Doctor ask Why ?
She replies Because I want to start a side business!

A man was shaving his beard,His GF was shaving down under
Man – Appraisal meeting with d boss for promotion, have to luk gud!
GF -Same here!

What do old women and dog shit have in common?The older they are, the easier they are to pick up.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel.

What Is The Common Between An Army General’s Car And His Wife?
Ans: “Both Are Highly Maintained And Very Less Used.“

Love Is Not Measured By Hugging, Kissing & Sex . Luv Is Respect
& Trust, Accepting A Person With Open Legs.. Closed Eyes.. Wet Lips..
Saying “Push It More”.

Wife: I Am Pregnant.
Santa: Par Main To England Me Tha.
Wife: Aapki Photo Thi Na.
Santa: Ullu Mat Bana Kamini Photo To Kamar Tak Hi Thi.

Aap Or Apke Life Partner,
Yadi Sukhi Or Swasth Rahna Chahte Ho To
Istemal Karo
Basmati Rice.
Achha Khaoge Tabi
Achha Soch Paoge.

People often ask me what I like to do on my time off. What I really enjoy doing in my spare time is hanging out at the Playboy Mansion, and , you know, playing around with the Playmates, if you know what I mean?

…Well, it’s actually just a Barbie Dream House that I’ve modified.

Has anyone here ever used a hulahoop as a sexual aid?
Let me explain…
You see, I use it as a cock ring.

I went for a prostate exam yesterday…
…It made me nervous that it was done through a glory hole.

Why did they arrest the guitar teacher?
He was caught fingering a minor.

Why is Santa’s sack so big?
He only comes once a year!

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.

Ek Bauna Suhagraat Ko Kamre Me Jate Hi Biwi Se Bola:”Chal Ghodi Ban Jaa”
Biwi:Ye Kaunsa Tarika Hai?
Bauna: “Tarika Nahi He Pagli, Darwaje Ki Kundi Lagani Hai”

What’s long and full of semen?
A submarine.

11 Girls Ask The Fruit Seller To Give 11 Banana.
Fruit Seller I Am Not Selling Less Than 12 Bananas.
1 Girl Said Le Le Yaar, 1 Kha Lenge.

Girl: Jaanu Mere Munh Me Daalo, Main Chusungi
Boy: Nahi Nahi Tum Kha Gai Toh Main Kya Karunga?
Girl: Tum Tum …
Doosri Icecream Le Lena!

Boyfriend On Bike: Can I Kiss You.?
Girlfriend: Where.. Vertical Or Horizontal
Boyfriend: What…??
Girlfriend: Upper Or Lower Lips.?
Boyfriend: I Did’Nt Get You.!
Girlfriend: Chutiye.. Helmet Utarun Yaa P@Nty.

Man Tells Wife – I Am Going To Buy Vi@Gra.
Wife – Mein Bhi Tetanus Ka Injection Lagwa Leti Hoo.
Suna Hai Jung Lagi Cheez Se Khatra Rehta Hai… Xp

What Do Bungee Jumping & Prostitutes Have In Common?
With Both Pleasure Lasts For 35 Seconds And If The Rubber Breaks, You Are Fucked.

Madam: Sabse Zayada Izzat Kiske Paas Hai.?
Boys: Shakti Kapoor,Prem Chopra, Gulshan Grover.
Madam : Wo Kaise,
Boys : Madam Kyuki Inhone Ne Hi Sabse Zayada Izzat Luti Hai.

Pinto Ko Peshab Karte Dekhkar Ladki Doosre Raste Se Jane Lagi,
Pinto Bola: Dar Mat Re Pagli, Jisase Tu Dar Rahi Ho Usko Maine Apne
Hath Se Pakad Rakha Hai.

Lady Tcher: Bachho,Batao Samosa Aur Kachori, Me Kya Fark Hai ?
Ek Saitan Baccha Bola: Madam, Bra Pehenogi To Samosa Dikhega,
Nahi Pehenogi To Kachori.