Top Funny Dirty Jokes of All Times :-))

Searching for Funny Dirty Jokes? Yes, than you have landed to perfect place. Here we have compiled the Best Dirty jokes in Hindi and English. Get Very Funny Dirty Jokes 2017 Complete LOL Edition, Enjoy our top rated Funniest Dirty Jokes of all time which are Hilariously humor that fits at all funny side. Share these inappropriate pick up lines or double meaning joke with your friends to be wild dirty and make big LoL. This Dirty One Liner Jokes are really awesome to read and makes you think funny dirty, as the are never entirely appropriate but they are best enough to give a punchline.

Funny Dirty Jokes

  • There Was A Flood In A Village.
    One Man Said To Everyone: “I’ll Stay! God Will Save Me!”
    The Flood Got Higher And A Boat Came And The Man In It

  • Choosing Career Is Like Choosing A Wife From 10 Girls.
    Even If You Pick The Most Beautiful And Intelligent Woman,
    There’s Still Pain Of Losing T 😀

  • Heights Of Insult By A Grammar Freak Girl.
    Girl To Boy: “You Are As Useless As Ay In Okay”

  • People Usually Say There Is No Difference Between Complete & Finish.
    But There Is When You Marry The Right One, You Are Complete. And Whe

  • Preeto: “Look Sir, I Was Driving My Car At Speed Of 40,
    But When I Pull The Brakes To Slow The Car I Found That I Have No Brakes, And Then I Saw 2 Men Walking In The Street And A Wedding Going On At The Other Side. Who Should I Hit?”
    Police: “Of Course The 2 Men With Less Damage.”
    Preeto: “That’s What I Thought Myself But When I Did It, I Hit Only One Man And The Other Ran To The Wedding So I Went After Him.“

  • An insurance agent went to a museum and he accidentally hit a statue.
    Museum Administrator: “That’s a 500-year-old statue you’ve broken!”
    Insurance agent: “Thank God! I thought it was a new one.”

  • A Pakistani lady visited USA and went to a Bar🍺for the First Time, She Sat in Front of the Bar Tender..!
    A Guy at Her Left side ordered: “Jack Daniels, Single”
    A Guy at Her Right Side ordered: “Johnny Walker, Single”
    The Bar Tender Looked at the Lady & said: And You..??
    Lady replied: “Farzana Kauser, Married. 🙈😂😂

  • A woman wrote on her facebook status… “Husband chahiye ”
    2 boys liked it and 140 women commented “mera le jaa” 😂😂
    That female wrote back “kameenon maang nahin rahi poochh rahi hoon” 😂😂😂😂

  • Did you hear about the guy who lost the entire left side of his body in an accident?
    … don’t worry…..he’s all right now.

  • Where do generals keep their armies? In their sleeves!

  • Never trust an atom. They make everything up.

  • What are the similarities between a plum and an elephant?
    They are both purple except the elephant.

  • Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says,
    I think I’ve lost an electron. The other says,
    Are you sure? The first replies, Yes, I’m positive.

  • One snake says to the other snake, are we poisonous?
    The other replies, I don’t know why do you ask?,
    the first snake replies because I just bit my lip!

  • If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive,
    they would eventually find me attractive.

  • A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

  • I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..
    Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

  • How do you identify a Santa in a classroom ?
    It is simple.. check who’s erasing his notes when the teacher is cleaning the board.!!

  • Santa was writing past tense of “I make a mistake”
    Guess what he wrote ?
    “I was made by a mistake”

  • Santa was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night.
    He got irritated. He drank the poison and said: “Ab kaato saalo… Sab maroge”

  • Funny Santa Banta Jokes
  • Santa: Hey dad, what plans for weekend ?
    Santa Dad: Income Tax Returns.
    Santa: Hey first part kab release hua tha?
    Santa Dad: Jaa meri ma, tu shooting pe ja!:lol:!

  • Salesman: Sir, do you want this powder ?
    Santa: For what ?
    Salesman: For ants
    Santa: No. If I give powder today, they will ask lipstick tomorrow!!

  • 100 metre ki race ho rahi thi…
    Referee – ‘1,2,3 GO!’…
    Everybody started running except Santa.
    Referee – Y r u not running…?
    Santa – My number is 4.

  • SBI Bank: Humara bank aapko bina interest ke loan de raha h
    Santa: Agar dene mein interest hi nahi hai to kyu de rahe ho? Nahi chahiye.

  • Santa reading newspaper..
    News: “Indian athlete lost gold medal in long jump”
    Santa comments: Idiot !! Who told him to wear gold medal while jumping!!!

  • Santa : I have more Fans than You..
    Banta: No Big deal, I have AC at Home.

  • After knee replacement,
    Orthopaedic surgeon : u will have to use walker for few days after surgery.
    Santa: ok, will Johnny Walker be okay?

  • Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
    Santa: An old king’s skeleton.
    Tourist: Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it?
    Santa: That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child.

  • Santa and Banta were fixing a bomb in a car.
    Santa: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
    Banta: Dont worry, I have one mor

  • Que: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
    Ans: They couldn’t close his casket.

  • Que: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
    Ans: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand

  • Que: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle?
    Ans: Because his wife died!

  • Que: If a dove is the “bird of peace” then what’s the bird of “true love”?
    Ans: The swallow. Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: a rip off

  • Que: What’s the cure for marriage?
    Ans: Alcoholism.

  • Que: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
    Ans: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese.

  • Que: Why do they call it PMS?
    Ans: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken

  • Que: Do you know what the square root of 69 is?
    Ans: Ate something If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass.

  • Que: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers?
    Ans: A virgin.

  • Que: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
    Ans: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant.

  • Que: Whats the worst thing about dating a blonde?
    Ans: If you don’t know what hole to put it in neither do they.

  • Que: What did the penis say to the vagina?
    Ans: Don’t make me cum in there.

  • Que: Why didn’t the possum cross the road?
    Ans: Because in the trailer park he’s the other white meat!

  • Que: How does an redneck get a girlfriend?
    Ans: By responding to a message on the wall of a mens room at a truck stop!

  • Que: How do you casterate a Redneck?
    Ans: Kick his sister in the mouth

  • Que: “What did the duck say when it bought lipstick?”
    Ans: “Put it on my bill.”

  • Que: What do you call a bunny with a crooked dick?

  • Que: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo?
    Ans: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe.

  • Que: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p?
    Ans: ……….. a shit (think about it)

  • Que: Why is being in the military like a blow-job?
    Ans: The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

  • A man asks a trainer in the gym: “I want 2 impress that beautiful girl, which machine I can use?” Trainer replies: “Use the ATM”

  • Ladki Sex Karte Hue: “Mere Munh Main Ungli Daalo” “Meri Ga.And Main Ungli Daalo” “Meri Cho.Ot Main Ungli Daalo” (more…)

  • Ek Party Mein Ladka Ladki Se Puchta Hai Tum Kitne Bhai Behan Ho?
    Ladki: Six.
    Ladk Ans: Kya Maa Baap Ko Koi Aur Kaam Nahi Tha Kya.
    Ladki: What About You?
    Ladk Ans: Only One.
    Ladki: Kya Baap Ki Lund Mein Dum Nahi Tha Kya.

Funny Dirty One Liner Jokes

  • Laato ke bhoot baato se nahi maante. Ghosts of the kicks not listening to talks.

  • Aise mat dekho, lagta hai marinated murgi ko tandoor dekh raha hai.

  • Agar tum ladki ko izzat dogey, woh tumhe apni izzat degi.

  • Tumhara ishq ishq, humara ishq sex?

  • Jo apne maa ki izzat nahi karta mein unka baap banke aata hoon.

  • Batao yaar Emergency ke wqt bhi mazak

  • How do you end a party in a trailer park? Flush the punchbowl.

  • What do two rednecks say after breaking up? Lets just be cousins.

  • What do you call a goat on a mountain? Hillbilly.

  • Why did O.J. Simpson want to move the Tennessee? Everyone there has the same DNA.

  • My study period = 15 minutes. My break time = 3 hours.

  • Someone on his status is “Sleeping” …since 3 Days! He’s probably dead.

  • Do You Want To Go Out With Me? (A) Yes (B) A (C) B.

  • You fake your smile daily, then judge people for getting a fake tan.

  • I’m all for change as long as it doesn’t directly affect my routine.

  • After Tuesday even the calendar goes W T F…

  • I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy saving mode…

  • Munna Bhai Ke ghar LADKI hUE.
    Circuit- Bhai ab to muhale ke, Sare ladke isko line marenge.
    MUNNA- Tu fikar mat kar re, Apun iska naam DIDI rakhenge.

  • Sardarni : Lo light chali gayi.
    Sardar : Light chali gayi hai to fan chala do.
    Sardarni :Lo fir se kar di na sardaro wali baat. Agar fan chalaunga to mombatti bujh nahi jayegi!

  • Sardar: Oye tu har message Do dafa q karta hay?
    2nd Sardar: Taa k tu aik Forward kar de to doosra tere pas rahay!

  • 2 boys with Sardar where going on a Motor cycle.
    Policeman gives hand to stop.
    Sardar shouted oye pehle hi teen bhete hai tu kaha bethega!

  • Sweet insult:
    Ek ladka gadhe ke samne gir gaya.
    Ek khubsurat ladki ne dekha aur kaha apne bade bhai ka pair chhu rahe ho kya?
    Ladka : ji bhabhiji.

  • Light jane k baad candle leke pappu toilet ja rahatha
    kai kambakhat phook marke keh gaya
    Happy birthday 2 u

  • The awkward moment when your mom says.!
    Haye mera shareef bacha

  • Boy 2 Girl:Tumhari Umar kya hai?
    Girl:20 years
    Boy: tm ny to 5 saal pehly bhi yahi batayi thi?
    Girl: daikha ladkiyan zubaan ki kitni pakki hoti hain..

  • ladki:ladka kaisa hai.
    PANDIT:ladka acha hai,engineering kiya hai..
    dikhny main film ka HERO lgta hai.
    LADKI:kun si film ka hero lgta hai.PANDIT:PIPLI LIVE

  • Dil ka dard dil thodny wala kya jaany.
    Pyaar ki rizvon ko zamana kya jaany.
    Hoti hai kitni takleef ladki patany main.
    Ye ghar py baitha ladki ka baap kya jaany.

  • Man iz a head of da family,
    woman is a neck of da family,
    kyn k gardan jahan chahy head ko kahin bhi ghuma sakti hai.

  • Bihar ki gali main paan ki dukan
    Devdas ny daikhi paro ki muskan
    Devdas ny khilaya paro ko paan
    Khake paan paro boli shukriya bhai jaan.

  • Sardar ki Biwi came without any clothes in the drawing room to serve Halwa to the guests.
    Sardar screamed: Beshram aurat, tu hosh mein to hai?
    Wife: Woh jee recipe book mein aisa hi likha tha na “Serve Hot without any dressing, guests will enjoy.”

  • Sex ke baad aurton ke alag alag reaction
    Call girl : Chal nikal.
    Girl friend : Shaadi kab karoge.
    Padosan : Phir kab aaoge.
    Biwi : An 3-4 din mat bolna.
    Kaamwali Bai : Ab to pagaar badha do saab.

  • Sexx kar lene ke baad
    Boy: Jaan-e-mann ab tumhe woh hoga duniya jise bachcha kehti hai.
    Girl: Ab tumhe woh hoga duniya jise AIDS kehti hai.

  • Santa Ans: Tera baap doctor hai, phir bhi tu bimar ho gaya. Kitne sharam ki baat hai?
    Banta Ans: BC tera baap bhi to condom bechta hai, phir bhi to tu paida hua na chutiye.

  • 2 year old son spits on the floor.
    Wife: We don’t spit. If it’s in your mouth you swallow it.
    Husband raises eyebrows.
    Wife: You shut up!

  • How do you know that a female bartender is pissed off with you?
    There’s a string hanging out of your Bloody Mary!

  • What’s the difference between a pussy and a cunt?
    A ‘Pussy is soft, warm and delightful and it’s owned by a ‘Cunt!

  • Boyfriend: Honey, let’s try anal.
    Girlfriend: Fuck that shit!
    Boyfriend: That’s the sprit, Baby!

  • What does parsley and pubic hair have in common?
    Push it aside and keep on eating!

  • The only thing I gained so far in 2014 is weight

  • We have a history together and English and French also

  • God is really creative, i mean Just look at me
  • Everything is 10x funnier when you are not supposed to laugh.

Funny Dirty Jokes in Hindi

  • शादी के बाद पहली बार बहू रसोई मे गई और रेसिपी बुक में पढ़कर खाना बना रही थी ।
    सास बाहर से घर लौटी, फ्रिज खोला, अन्दर देखकर चकराई और पूछा:
    ये मन्दिर का घण्टा फ्रिज में क्यों रखा है ?
    बहू : “किताब में लिखा है, सब चीजों का मिश्रण कर लें और एक घण्टा फ्रिज में रखें ।”

  • वाह रे वाह मोदी जी
    क्या दिमाग लगाया है काले धन का तो पता नहीं
    पर घरो की औरतो के खजाने का तो पता चल ही जायेगा
    महिलाओ में मोदी जी के फैसले से नाराजगी पति से छिपकर रखे खजाने पर सर्जीकल अटैक
    आज रात जिस घर की लाइट्स जलती दिखे
    समझ लो की नोटों की गिनती चल रही हैं!

  • मुझे इतना भी मत घुमा ए जिंदगी,
    मै शहर का शायर हूँ , “MRF का टायर” नही

  • ऐ खुदा हिचकियों में कुछ तो फर्क डालना होता
    अब कैसे पता करूँ कि कौनसी वाली याद कर रही है

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